Do I have a broken baby or am I a broken mum?

Each baby is really unique! The same 2 parents can produce very different parents. I can think about myself and my sister, we are worlds apart. She’s sporty, I’m lazy but the geeky and clever one. She’s very feminine, I’m practical. As babies, I was the grumpy one and she was the smiley one. But can’t stop thinking that my mum was lucky.

For the first 3 months they went to visit doctors and non doctors to find why I seemed to be “broken” as I wouldn’t stop crying and couldn’t sleep. Eventually it turns out I was CMPI (Cow’s milk protein intollerance). In those days there was no information on the topic, but my mum was then advised to give me special formula and she gave up on breastfeeding. She was also told that her milk was too weak. Oh mum, if only there was the same information as there is now, and I would have been a breastfeed baby. Apart from that, I slept beautifully and once starting solids I would eat beautifully.

So watching my baby displaying the same behaviours as me: being really curious about everything and enjoying silly stuff like plastics and paper boxes more than any other toy I thought that maybe she could be a bit more like me.

Why doesn’t she eat? Why doesn’t she sleep?

Then by watching her peers and my friends’ babies I came to the conclusion: that’s it, by baby is broken! But then, it hits me very slowly… there’s nothing wrong with her, I’m the one who’s broken!

#1 – If she doesn’t eat it’s because I might be trying the wrong foods
Why am I giving her more solid food? Maybe she just likes soup, more liquid, or maybe it’s too boring for her. That’s it, it’s my fault that I’ve tried foods in squares, rectangles, liquid, less liquid, baby lead weaning, puree, combo or maybe jumping in the air while trying to land with a spoon on her mouth. I’m doing it all wrong!

#2 – If she doesn’t eat it’s probably because I’m still giving her too much milk
How couldn’t I have thought about that earlier? I shouldn’t be feeding her milk, I should just let her understand I’m the adult and until she eats her food (e.g. the solids) she won’t have her favourite food (breastmilk). Instead I let her rule me. Shame on me, I’m a terrible one!

Now let’s talk about sleep

#3 – If she doesn’t sleep it’s because I don’t understand her sleep patterns
If she woke up from her nap (wow she napped??? what sorcery is that?) at 14h and hasn’t sleep ever since, why did I try to put her in bed at 18h30? Why did we bother to keep on trying until 22h30 at which point she gave up and went to sleep? Because we don’t understand that maybe she’s super-baby and doesn’t need any sleep before 22h30. It should be so obvious!

#4 – Or maybe she’s too hot
Why do I dress her in the sleeping bag? She’s probably too hot

#5 – Or maybe she’s too cold
Cold hands? Obviously she’s cold

#6 – Or maybe she’s hungry
Even though every time I go up I pretty much offer her boob, my milk must be just water and she keeps on asking for more. Bad milk! Shame in you mumma!

#7 – It’s because I’m not trying either the right combination of white noise and a sleeping sheep

#8 – It’s because I fart too loud and keep on waking baby

#9 – It’s because daddy snores too loud

Nah, no reasons required really. It’s pretty obvious I’m a silly broken first time mum who doesn’t have a clue on her baby.

I feel so tempted to invite all those parents that are lucky enough that don’t understand that they should celebrate every day the fact their babies eat and sleep well to come over night and see if they can fix her. Something tells me it wouldn’t matter. shhhhh don’t worry I can take the stamp of the broken mum 🙂



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