Why isn’t my baby sleeping through the night?

There is so much pressure on us mums about how much babies sleep. Specially after baby reaches the age of 3 months most people will ask: Is your baby sleeping through the night? Because you also have friends with babies that do indeed sleep through the night from 3 months onwards you will feel depressed. Yap, this is clearly me.

As you know, we’ve been battling reflux, which obviously affected her sleep. She would wake up in pain and need lots of cuddles and love to feel protected and go back to sleep. During the first few months I’ve only managed to sleep 3 to 4h a day and she was sleeping a total of 8h total max, mostly broken down by 30m naps on my lap. At 2 months she started to sleep longer and currently she can sleep 10 to 11h at night with lots of breaks in the middle. I am exhausted and feel I don’t have a life. All I do is function around making her sleep and trying to sleep myself. What I call a really good night many mums would say it’s a bad one.

As I write this, I’m over the moon that she had 3 good nights in a row (at 6 months). A good night for me sounds like this:

• 19h Bath and final play time
• 19h30 Feeding
• 20h After a few tries and lots of cuddling she’s in bed
• 00h Wakes for feeding back to bed before 00h30
• 03h Wakes up again, feeding and more cuddle and goes to be before 03h30
• 07h / 07h30 Wake up, nappy change, feed and take her to nursery

I’ve only moved her to her own room at 6 months, as the recommendation is for babies to sleep in the same room as the parents for the first 6 months. I found out that she’s a really light sleeper like both of us, so she was benefiting for a bit more quiet. Both her door and our room is opened so at the minimum noise I can hear her, but she’s not bothered if one of us snores or moves a bit more aggressively in bed. She still wakes at night, but it’s ok. When she’s ready to sleep through the night I’m sure she will because she loves sleeping, it’s just she can’t do it for long yet.

Most people are telling me to give her formula (which I’ll have to since I’m running out of frozen bags as I can’t pump as much as she feeds) or to let her cry out to see if she learns to sleep herself. When she’s happy she can fall asleep on her own, so if she gets distressed she’ll end up getting awake and then harder to help her sleep, so I don’t do let it cry it out (CIO).

Also, wanted to share with you a really interesting video I just found out which gives us a bit more comfort that is normal for babies to wake up at night, but it also prevents SIDS. At some point before she’s 3 years I hope she will be ready to sleep through the night, until then I need to be ready for boobing and extra cuddles.

6 things I’m jealous from other mums

Yes, that’s right. I admit it with all letters, I’m jealous!

#1 – Mums that can change nappies as soon as the “mustard” comes
Most of the times, she has a mustard drop (yes, it does look like mustard both consistency and colour, at least while the solids don’t kick in) after a feed. Butttttt, after a feed not only I need to burp her but I need to keep her upright for at least 30m. Then I have a decision to make, either I change her, or she’ll vomit most of the feed. I end up always trying to wait until she cries loads. I even change her nappy at an angle, so she has her head higher than the rest, but still no use.

#2 – Mums that can breastfeed in bed
Ah, those lucky mums that can lie down in bed, side by side with baby and let the baby feeds as he wants while mum relaxes in bed and falls back into sleep. The first is that she can’t co-sleep with me because she needs to sleep at an angle as well, so she sleeps on a “next to me” type bed.

This is the bed I have which I really love, from BabyBay

The mattress has a bamboo cover, so it’s perfect for baby. Unfortunately I seem to enjoy her bed more than she does

The  2nd aspect is that, even if she would feed side by side laying down, I need to keep burp her and keep her upright after the feed. So every time I feed her at night it’s around 50 awake plus the time it takes me to fall asleep again. Zombie mum here

#3 – Mums that have babies that smell baby
My little one smells like Eau du vomit. There’s vomit everywhere all the time. I have to bath her quite often and change her clothes loads of times during the day. After 5m she already smells vomit. Gotta love reflux!

#4 – Mums that can do stuff while baby naps
She doesn’t nap…. she only naps on my arms and then I can’t move. I need to walk her within the house or sit on the yoga ball until eventually she falls asleep, so I can’t do anything. To do basic stuff like go to the loo or have a shower, I have to let her cry which breaks my heart but it’s the only way. As I write this post, she just had diarrhoea so I had to wash her clothing and mine straight away while she was crying a lot because she was sleepy and wanted me.

#5 – Mums that sleep!
This is a killer and I feel I’m subject to war torture. She doesn’t sleep much in a row, not because she’s hungry but because of the reflux. I can only have 1 decent night per week and by decent I mean 4h in a row and wake up twice at night. Most times it’s like she sleeps 2h30, whereas it took me 30m to fall asleep and 2h later I’m up again. After that she might sleep another 2h and from there every 30m and she’s moving and up… During the day I have zero changes of sleeping as per points above. Definitely zombie mum here

Photo from Confessions of a chronic depressive

 

#6 – Mums that can breastfeed in public
At first I was afraid, I was petrified…. (nah not going the song route), but I’ve managed to overcome my shyness and I’ve done it. Trouble is she doesn’t feed enough, even at home each feed is a battle, so I’ve given up on breastfeeding while I’m out. I have to express and then give her by the bottle….

Are you jealous of other Mum’s? Anything you would like to share?

10 things no one tells you about being a new mum

AH! I could write a whole book by now around what society says about being a new mum,  but will try to focus on only a few.

1 – Sleep when baby sleeps rubbish

Every one was telling me, sleep when baby sleeps! I couldn’t take it anymore and was starting to have rage attacks. Even if baby is having a nap during the day, probably mum needs to eat, go to the loo, have a quick shower. Meeting basic needs is a challenge! And some mums still need to cook and do basic shores. Also, it might be that you actually try to sleep and you can’t. For instance in the first week I’ve suffered from insomnia. I went to bed, closed my eyes and couldn’t fall asleep. At some stage baby would wake up anyway.

2 – Breastfeeding is hard

You get lectured as soon as baby is born on how to breastfeed: head back, nose to nipple and then push baby’s head to breast. If they don’t latch is because you’re an idiot! I’ve attended classea before she was born and it was really hard! I didn’t care about the latch, I just wanted to feed her. Ended up with lots of bruises because she had lip tie. So rather than making us look like failures, midwifes should be more supportive. It’s really hard to breastfeed at the beginning! No wonder so many mums give up because there’s no support.

3 – sleep torture

At war they use to torture people by sleep deprivation. Guess what a new mum faces? Waking up every hour or more often is a killer, seriously! And it can last months or even years. Some lucky mums have babies sleeping a lot in a row since 7 weeks. At 12 weeks my little one was still behaving like a newborn. So it’s ok to ask for help, either a friend or family so you can have rest. Mum is the most important person for baby, so if you collapse your not doing anyone a favour.

4 – you will look rubbish

Yap. No time to pumper myself. Even a quick shower feels a luxury. You might see lots of mums that look gorgeous and seem to have everything under control whereas you don’t even remember last time you’ve brushed your hair!

5 – leaving the house will take forever

You know the moment you believe you’re finally ready to leave, baby decides to do a massive poo and needs changing. Or vomits everywhere or both combined. Forget it, you can’t control time anymore, just be ready to be late all time and start preparing before you think you should.

6 – eau du vomit

That’s my new perfume. Most people used to say babies smell amazing. Well my one smells vomit and so do I. I’ve given up on being clean.
7 – you’ll miss your old life

Oh you will, loads and it’s ok. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your baby (there’s loads of positive stuff like baby giggles) but you’ll wander all the time about this person that used to be you. Learning to leave the house with baby ia hard. Yes you need to learn it and feel confident. You’ll love the fresh air on your face and if you close your eyes you can almost taste your old life with a smiley or sleepy baby.

8 – you will despair when baby cries non stop

It’s so heartbreaking to see our little ones in pain, you will feel like running to the hospital all the time. Trust your gut! As I’ve learnt the hard way, gps and health visitors only care about weight. If your baby is putting on weight everything is fine and it’s normal for babies to cry. While that is true it’s not always the case. Colic is just one of the things that might impact your baby. There’s stuff like reflux / silent reflux where baby will arch in pain day and night and you’ll feel ignored by the health professionals. Follow your gut! You know baby better than anyone, if you believe baby is not ok don’t give up until you get help. You might have to fight… Literally!

9 – you might have to give up on your favourite foods..

I thought I was only restricted while pregnant but no… Because of the reflux I’ve cut out dairy, soya, tomatoes, chocolate also avoiding red meat and I’m hungry all the time. It’s really hard! There’s lots of stuff with hidden milk. Eczema is another reason why you might have to restrict your diet. I miss my Mediterranean diet

10 – everyone believes they know better

Either its your own mum, your mother in law, the neighbours… Everyone will come with advice on how you should treat your baby. Again follow your gut and just ignore them. Some of the stuff I’ve heard even from strangers in the street

• Your milk might not be strong enough, you should give formula (my mum’s generation was told this by doctors!)
• You shouldn’t carry your baby all the time she will get spoiled (reflux hello????)
• Swaddle your baby.. My little one hated it since day 1

There are lots of positive things but I feel expectations are not set correctly and mum’s feel like a failure because they are tired all the time or baby is not growing according to the lines… For any mums out there, you’re doing great! Scream if you need to, we’re only human!

Anything you would like to add to the list? Feel free to share your thoughts